Saturday, March 12, 2011

Soap Box!

After talking with one of my good friends that we'll call M and discussing about how it sucks when you realize that your friends really aren't your friends it made me step back and really think about it.  It's funny how when you find that you really need someone to lean on that those that you thought would be there, aren't.  And those that you never truly expected to be there, are.  It's almost ironic.  I know that in my life I have some people that I can truly count on and for those individuals I am truly grateful.  However, I don't think that makes it sting any less when you realize that some of those people that you always thought would be there just aren't.  As I was sitting there and thinking about who is there when I need them and who is there when they need me it made me realize that I have a pretty great support system and I really pray that I am the same for those that need me.

Anyway, in addition to the realization that sometimes friends are nothing more than "friends" I have also been whining for the past 48 hours because I am sick.  I normally don't care when I am sick but something about being sick when you're pregnant makes it 10x worse.  I can't take any medication, I have a fever, my throat hurts, my nose is a combination of a faucet and a plugged drain and I just overall feel awful.  Well I can take Tylenol but really that doesn't do much of anything.  And worse of all, my husband has to hear me complain over and over again about how awful I feel.  But none of these things are the real reason I am blogging today.  The real reason I am blogging is to talk about one of the biggest pet peeves I have, at least right now.

BIG FAMILIES!  I said it, the taboo topic.  A family that consists of more than 3 or 4 people.  You know, breaking the norm and not just having 2 kids and a dog.  I don't understand why people have such a hard time understanding why someone would want to have a big a family.  I can't tell you how many times I get the inconsiderate comments, questions, glares all because we have 3 children and when people would ask if we are done we would say no.  Now that we are expecting our Thanksgiving joy the comments are even worse.  So let me clear a few things up for those that don't understand.  I have always wanted a big family.  Back when I first started dating the mister we would sit and talk about what life would be like when we were older and mine always consisted of at least 4 children.  Of course I think part of him thought I was a little crazy but as we got to know one another, found out we were pregnant, got married and then had 3 kids he realized what a joy it was to have a big family.  Now that's not to say that we don't have our moments when we look at one another say "What were we thinking?"  However, that doesn't mean that we don't love our life any less.  We don't have to be any richer to have 4 kids than we did to have 2 or 3 kids.  No matter how many children you have there are times when you as a parent have to put your big girl (or boy) underwear on and make sacrifices for your children (heck even just ONE child) and that's something that we are willing to do.  We are more than capable of providing for our children and accept no assistance from anywhere.  We are not on any sort of state assistance.  That is not to say that those that have to take the assistance shouldn't or are bad people.  I am just stating that for us, we don't need it.  We are able to buy our children whatever they need and 99% of the time whatever they want as well.  I don't sit there and judge people who have one only child or as they tell me "one and done" and I surely don't appreciate being judged because my husband and I decided to have more than 2, more than 3 kids and venture into having 4 children.  Not only that I really dislike the assumption that every time we are pregnant that we are done.  More than likely this will be our last child, not because society says it should be.  But because it's our desire.  However, it doesn't piss me off any less when I have people automatically ask me "Well you are done now, right?".  That has been a comment we have heard with every pregnancy we have announced and the older I get, the more children I have the more insulting it is.  One more thing that infuriates me, I am the one that stays home with MY kids day in and day out.  My husband is the one that provides for OUR family.  So when I announce that I am pregnant, please do me a favor and don't tell me how awful it is, how terrible it will be for me, for us and for the kids.  I know what I am capable of handling and I don't need others opinions on what I can able to handle.  Not to mention, I don't need to be reminded that my husband could be deployed while I have 4 children.  Does that really change things?  Is it worse for him to be deployed when we have 4 kids than when we have 3 kids?  Because honestly I think either way sucks just about the same but that's not to say that I can't handle it.  I surely don't need to be made aware of his deployment status by someone who doesn't even understand what it is entirely in the first place.

Alright, that's my soap box for the day.  Just next time you see a family with more than 2 kids don't look at them with disgust and think that they don't know what contraception is.  Maybe, just maybe they wanted to have a big family.

More ramblings to come later. :)  Hopefully I won't be sick and will have a more upbeat post.  And in closing I will say, we have picked our names!  And those who know me, know how big of a deal that is.  But I will add, we aren't sharing the names.  I don't want anyone trying to discourage us from using them.

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