Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Been MIA. Apologies all around!

Sorry I've been MIA, I've been so tired lately and sick that when I have a minute to sit down I have to force myself to do school work and then it's bedtime. Anyway...

So I have been seeing a midwife up until today (I see the new doctor today) and she seemed really great at first. I thought it would be amazing to have her and be able to have the birth I wanted and I just really liked how social she was. UNTIL I went in on Monday and I had to do yet another transvaginal ultrasound and after the ultrasound I realized she didn't even wear gloves!!!!!!! So I point it out to my husband as soon as she walks out of the room and he's like "AND she didn't wash her hands when she came into the room or left..." So gross. And to top it off, my pregnancy started out as a twin pregnancy (vanishing twin- I guess it's called). At my last ultrasound we found out it was just a singleton and not a twin any longer. (I had been going every 2 weeks- that's how they schedule them and with the two sacs at the first ultrasound and no fetal poles in either one we had to keep following up) So anyway, she goes to start my ultrasound on Monday and she's like "I just can't believe this isn't a twin pregnancy with the way you are experiencing symptoms and blah blah blah..." WELL it WAS a twin pregnancy, and it seemed so impersonal that she didn't even bother to look at my chart again before saying that. I don't know. I really liked delivering at the hospital with my girls--- I love the nurses that work Labor and Delivery but I don't feel like that is enough anymore to keep me going. The icing on the cake for me was that EVERY single visit I've had thus far I have had to wait a minimum of 1 1/2 hours, more like 2 1/2 hours just to be seen. I get back in the room and have to wait another 45 minutes or more to have the doctor/midwife come in. FRUSTRATING! I have 3 young kids, they are good for about a hour of wait time, anything over that and I've lost their ability to listen.

So after allllll of that complaining I found another doctor/practice and they deliver at an entirely different hospital. Well several. But I have two choices with my insurance. One is a university hospital, it's a really nice hospital. My dad had his liver transplant there just over a year ago so I've spent A LOT of time there. It's a teaching hospital too. The other one is a hospital specific for women. It's the birthing, surgery, etc hospital. The only down side is how far away it is. It's probably a good hour away, maybe a little less and I worry about having to make my in-laws drive with my kids all the way there when it's time to see the new baby. My husband said not to worry about it and just pick which every hospital I want to pick... but I don't know. But I am so excited because both hospitals are MUCH nicer than the one I delivered my girls at, and these doctors come with great referrals. The only downside which I actually don't mind is that I don't get ultrasounds every appointment like I was at the previous place. But that's a small price to pay and I think that will make it a lot easier to say no to finding out the gender.

Well there you have it.  That's my current woes. I know there are others that are having doctor issues and my recommendations to anyone is if you aren't comfortable CHANGE doctors and find someone you are comfortable with. You are stuck seeing these people for the next 8+ months, make sure it's a place you feel comfortable at. Especially when it's time for the birth.  

Monday, March 28, 2011

“Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.”

So a group of us are picking topics to blog about, we all blog about the same things and share what we have come up with.  Today we are starting with the different between negativity and positive thought.  How come it's so easy to see the negative in your daily life and to overlook the positive?

Well here goes my ramblings.  For myself personally I know that I am easily overwhelmed with the negativity in my life.  I tend to overlook the every day blessings and see the things that are going wrong.  Rather than seeing that I have three healthy kids who love me unconditionally I see I have 3 kids who won't take naps, run and scream around the house and make messes in every square inch of the house.  I do the same thing with my husband.  Rather than be grateful for having a husband who provides for his family, the life that we live which includes the ability to stay home with them.  I see the things that drive me bonkers.  He leaves his dirty socks balled up around the house, his ACU's thrown around the house on the floor, is totally and utterly car crazy.  I should be grateful for all of these things.  I should see the positive.  I have wonderful kids.  There is no question about it, they drive me bonkers but I know I do the same to them.  The messes they make are just reminders of their youth and I should embrace their imagination.  As I type this my son is having a sword fight with his Jedi Master and my girls are sitting on the couch enjoying a snack watching a movie.  Instead of fixating on the messes, I need to be thankful for them and look past the need for a clean house.

I should be thankful that the Mister is home to make his messes.  It wasn't that long ago that he was gone and I was wishing he was home and making the messes, working on his car and here to fight with.  See, he should be deployed right now.  When he was red flagged and forced to stay back in the states I was guilty of seeing the negative.  Some who aren't involved in the military would say what positive things can come out of a deployment?  Well I'll tell you.  When your husband trains to do a job for several years, is gone for weeks a time to prepare for said deployment, then at MOB for several months to deploy and WANTS to do his job which is only able to be done during said deployment it's a very upsetting thing to have them unable to deploy.  When a soldier deploys they have a certain amount of honor that they get from doing so.  Being with their comrades, getting their combat patch, and so much more.  And when they can't do that, it's a very hard thing to swallow.  So rather than seeing that after 6 months of being gone he would be coming home, we saw the bad.  I saw the negative.  I didn't see that he was going to come home, that he wouldn't be at risk, that the kids would have their dad home.  I saw that the wives that I had come to get close to would feel like I wasn't part of their group anymore because my husband wasn't gone anymore, that I didn't have this bond any longer.  It was a rough adjustment.  Now that I look back on it I see just how much I fixate on the negative.

So after all of these ramblings I have come to the conclusion that it's so much easier to find the negative things in your life and let those overtake it rather than working a little harder to find the positive in all situations.  I think that in life it's easier to see the things going wrong because those stick out like a sore thumb.  You tend to overlook the things in your every day life that aren't going wrong.  Your kids are healthy, so you don't think about it.  However when your kids are sick, you notice that so you take for granted that for the last 6 months they had been healthy.  Your bills are paid for every month and you don't have to stress about money, you take it for granted until one month you have an unexpected expense come up and you have to scramble to make ends meet.  Then all of the sudden the money situation in your life is brought to the forefront of your thoughts.

Instead of letting those people in your life get under your skin and make you stoop to their level, rise above and realize that they might be going through something you don't understand or they just wish to inflict their negativity on others.  Negative people do nothing but bring down others.  I know that I am guilty of it but I am wanting to make a conscience effort to be a person that appreciates the little things in life and doesn't just vent about what's going wrong.  When you do nothing but talk about the bad things, all you do is see the bad in life.

How about rather than taking those daily things that go right for granted sit back and think about things that you are grateful for on a daily basis.  Be thankful for what you have rather than fixate on what you don't have.  Be grateful for the things that go wrong, if they didn't go wrong it'd mean you didn't have things you cared about.  Be thankful you have a significant other to fight with, for there are those that don't have that joy.  Appreciate your children even when they make messes and are ornery as all get out, there are those that can't have children or have children with serious medical conditions.  Yes, it's harder to find the good amongst the bad but when you do you'll find yourself happier.  When you fixate on the negativity and only see what is going wrong you just end up missing those golden moments that make life worth living and worth all of the madness.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

D-Day! D-Day! D-Day!

First I want to say that I had another appointment yesterday.  It was a mixture of good news, not so good news and sort of bad news.  First things first.  We were told that it was twins, that at my last appointment she saw two sacs but waited to say anything until the following appointment in case an embryo didn't form.   We ended up losing the twin.  So there is the bad news.  But the good news, we saw one really nice little baby in there, a nice sac, the placenta and a heartbeat.  Such good news after hearing about the twin.  I feel like I can't be sad about because there is a healthy bean in there but at the same time I can't help but feel like we lost our baby and feel sad by it.  I am sure in a few days I will feel less emotional about it.  Then in addition to that it's been decided we have to see a Perintologist due to Kaitlyn's heart defect when she was born.  I was sort of on the fence about not wanting to have the appointments and just let things be but my husband decided that it was for the best so we will see the Peri after all. Such is life.

Anyway, the reason for my blog today!

So I know I still have some time before I have this baby.  But I have spent a lot of time thinking about what exactly I want for a labor and delivery.  I had 3 labors and deliveries that I didn't like the way they went.  With my 1st one, I didn't know what to expect.  I was young age wise and maturity level and just was overwhelmed by it all.  With my 2nd one, I was confident in my ability to handle the delivery with the epidural but was sort of pushed into by my nurse who was determined that my labor would be extremely long.  So I got my epidural, 6 short hours later my son was born.  And I had pain for days after that from the epidural.  With my 3rd one, I went into labor on my own but continued to stall out for hours.  After stalling out, several increases in pitocin I was told to get the epidural because it would be awhile before I would have any progress.  So I caved, got the epidural.  It ended up wearing off a few hours after getting it.  I still had the side effects I always get- the really low blood pressure, several rounds of epinephrine and overall a terrible feeling.  When I finally got the nurses to realize my epidural wore off it was time to push and no doctor in sight, so I had to wait to push until she arrived.  With no pain relief from the epidural I had to wait 20 minutes to push, in addition to that she was sunny side up and when the doctor finally arrived she had to manually turn her.  Afterwards I almost decided to never have any more kids.  But after some time I decided that I wasn't done and well here we are.  But things will be different!  I am set on having a completely natural labor and delivery with minimal interventions. I don't want to have to be induced, I really don't want an epidural ever again, and over all I just want to have a labor that I completely rely on my own body and ability.  So I am I thrilled at the idea of this labor.  I am under the care of the midwife (aside from the peri visits) and will labor in various positions, places, etc.  I am really looking forward to the tub.

I am going to spend the next 30+ weeks to research about natural labor and make my plans for what my ideal labor will be like.  All in all, I just really want to have an entirely different pregnancy, labor and delivery.  We aren't finding out the gender.  And I am really trying my hardest to have the healthiest pregnancy possible.  With my other 3, I sort of used pregnancy as an excuse to eat what I wanted and not really care but this time I am determined to only gain weight needed for the baby and not an additional layer of weight!

That's all for the ramblings!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

High and Tight!

For those that aren't familiar with our family my husband is in the Army National Guard.  To some that is "just" the National Guard but for us ever since he has joined the military it's been a pretty big part of our life.  So I don't take it lightly when people make remarks down playing just what the National Guard is.  But all of that aside my reason for this post is haircuts.  My son Chris has always really liked haircuts.  He got his first haircut when he was 18 months old and didn't even flinch.  He literally sat there without even blinking and was a very serious little man about what he was doing.  Here are some before and after shots of his first haircut.

So fast forward to age 4 almost 5.  He did really great getting haircuts and would ask for them the minute it got long.  Since his dad gets his haircut every 2 weeks he always wanted to get his cut as well.  He wanted to have a high and tight just like daddy.  So Nic gets deployed and is down in MOB and I am faced with taking all 3 kids to the BX (for those that don't know that's the shopping center/barber shop/food court/etc on the Air Force Base) and I tell this lady while I am holding a screaming Sophia, and talking a tenacious Kaitlyn out of a temper tantrum that Chris needed a high and tight and that we do a no guard (meaning skin on the side) and fade it to the top.  This lady goes to cut his hair and as I look away and look back I am shocked to see she took the no-guard straight down the center of his head. 
That was the end result of what should have been a high and tight.  He was absolutely crushed.  Ever since then he has refused to get his haircut.  It's a battle to get him to finally let anyone cut his hair.  So today Nic took him to get his haircut and of course he comes home without a haircut.  Apparently the lady that butchered his do the last time was working according to Chris.  For those wondering what his hair should have looked like, here is a picture of what it normally does, of course that's when he gets it cut regularly.  
So, after all of my ramblings... I am long winded today.  Boredom I tell ya.  I am wondering, how do I encourage my son to get his haircut again?  We have tried to go to other places.  We have let him pick who and where he wants to go to.  And he'll go once and then will refuse for endless amounts of time.  He looks like such a handsome boy when his hair is freshly cut and I love it but I hate to torture him all in the name of a haircut. 

What a crappy weekend!

I have spent the entire weekend sick.  I don't usually get too upset by being sick.  We all get colds and such but I've had a fever since Thursday and it's just going away.  Of course I start to feel like a first time mom and freak out at the idea that this could be hurting the baby.  So after a call to the OB, a trip to the ER to get checked out and make sure there was no underlying infection I got home last night at midnight.  I was told it's just a bad virus and will have to go through it's course.  In the meantime I still worry about having a fever or 101 or 102 with no real relief in sight.  Is it spring yet??!!  This seems to have been hands down the worst winter I can remember as far as illnesses go for everyone.  Our household alone has had 4 stomach bugs make it's way through the kids, endless amounts of colds, 6 cases of strep throat, 3 ear infections, Influenza A and I am sure I am missing some.  Come on mother nature, work with me here!  It's time to get the kids outside to play, the windows open so the germs can leave and overall the nice weather so there is less of this crud going around!

That's about all that is going on here.  I am the worst sick person known to man.  I was told to take it easy but I can't help but see 101 things that need done.  Homework, laundry, dishes, scrubbing the floors, vacuuming, etc, etc, etc...

So here I am "resting".  The only way I can stand to sit down and not do anything is if I am on the computer aimlessly looking for things.  I tend to shop though, so that's a little dangerous.  I'm not allowing myself to buy anything else.  I have bought so much for the baby and we haven't even hit the 2nd trimester.  And I've bought a lot for the others in the family as well.  Time to reign in the spending and figure out how to be frugal.  Ha.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Soap Box!

After talking with one of my good friends that we'll call M and discussing about how it sucks when you realize that your friends really aren't your friends it made me step back and really think about it.  It's funny how when you find that you really need someone to lean on that those that you thought would be there, aren't.  And those that you never truly expected to be there, are.  It's almost ironic.  I know that in my life I have some people that I can truly count on and for those individuals I am truly grateful.  However, I don't think that makes it sting any less when you realize that some of those people that you always thought would be there just aren't.  As I was sitting there and thinking about who is there when I need them and who is there when they need me it made me realize that I have a pretty great support system and I really pray that I am the same for those that need me.

Anyway, in addition to the realization that sometimes friends are nothing more than "friends" I have also been whining for the past 48 hours because I am sick.  I normally don't care when I am sick but something about being sick when you're pregnant makes it 10x worse.  I can't take any medication, I have a fever, my throat hurts, my nose is a combination of a faucet and a plugged drain and I just overall feel awful.  Well I can take Tylenol but really that doesn't do much of anything.  And worse of all, my husband has to hear me complain over and over again about how awful I feel.  But none of these things are the real reason I am blogging today.  The real reason I am blogging is to talk about one of the biggest pet peeves I have, at least right now.

BIG FAMILIES!  I said it, the taboo topic.  A family that consists of more than 3 or 4 people.  You know, breaking the norm and not just having 2 kids and a dog.  I don't understand why people have such a hard time understanding why someone would want to have a big a family.  I can't tell you how many times I get the inconsiderate comments, questions, glares all because we have 3 children and when people would ask if we are done we would say no.  Now that we are expecting our Thanksgiving joy the comments are even worse.  So let me clear a few things up for those that don't understand.  I have always wanted a big family.  Back when I first started dating the mister we would sit and talk about what life would be like when we were older and mine always consisted of at least 4 children.  Of course I think part of him thought I was a little crazy but as we got to know one another, found out we were pregnant, got married and then had 3 kids he realized what a joy it was to have a big family.  Now that's not to say that we don't have our moments when we look at one another say "What were we thinking?"  However, that doesn't mean that we don't love our life any less.  We don't have to be any richer to have 4 kids than we did to have 2 or 3 kids.  No matter how many children you have there are times when you as a parent have to put your big girl (or boy) underwear on and make sacrifices for your children (heck even just ONE child) and that's something that we are willing to do.  We are more than capable of providing for our children and accept no assistance from anywhere.  We are not on any sort of state assistance.  That is not to say that those that have to take the assistance shouldn't or are bad people.  I am just stating that for us, we don't need it.  We are able to buy our children whatever they need and 99% of the time whatever they want as well.  I don't sit there and judge people who have one only child or as they tell me "one and done" and I surely don't appreciate being judged because my husband and I decided to have more than 2, more than 3 kids and venture into having 4 children.  Not only that I really dislike the assumption that every time we are pregnant that we are done.  More than likely this will be our last child, not because society says it should be.  But because it's our desire.  However, it doesn't piss me off any less when I have people automatically ask me "Well you are done now, right?".  That has been a comment we have heard with every pregnancy we have announced and the older I get, the more children I have the more insulting it is.  One more thing that infuriates me, I am the one that stays home with MY kids day in and day out.  My husband is the one that provides for OUR family.  So when I announce that I am pregnant, please do me a favor and don't tell me how awful it is, how terrible it will be for me, for us and for the kids.  I know what I am capable of handling and I don't need others opinions on what I can able to handle.  Not to mention, I don't need to be reminded that my husband could be deployed while I have 4 children.  Does that really change things?  Is it worse for him to be deployed when we have 4 kids than when we have 3 kids?  Because honestly I think either way sucks just about the same but that's not to say that I can't handle it.  I surely don't need to be made aware of his deployment status by someone who doesn't even understand what it is entirely in the first place.

Alright, that's my soap box for the day.  Just next time you see a family with more than 2 kids don't look at them with disgust and think that they don't know what contraception is.  Maybe, just maybe they wanted to have a big family.

More ramblings to come later. :)  Hopefully I won't be sick and will have a more upbeat post.  And in closing I will say, we have picked our names!  And those who know me, know how big of a deal that is.  But I will add, we aren't sharing the names.  I don't want anyone trying to discourage us from using them.

Friday, March 11, 2011

The Making of a Family of SIX!

Welcome to the journey of going from a family of five to a family of six!  This is probably the only pregnancy that I am wanting to last until my due date!  I am excited to document the ups, downs, twists and turns that we encounter as we go through our fourth pregnancy and welcome our Thanksgiving bundle of joy into this world!  Kait and Chris are anxiously waiting to find out what this baby is, they don't exactly understand that they have to wait awhile.  Not only do they want to know if the baby is a boy or girl, they want to have the baby NOW!  Every time we go to the doctor they ask if we can pick the baby up yet.  

Nic and I have decided since this is (most likely positively) our last addition to our family that we want the ultimate surprise and we are waiting to find out the gender until D-Day.  We decided that it would be such an exciting surprise to find out the second we welcome he/she into the world.  Of course we both have our suspicion's of what this little one is.  We have already gotten a jump on the buying stuff and have almost everything we need.  Downside to that is that it will be a long 35 weeks!  Oh and if you didn't know, I am 5 weeks pregnant.  I had my first real OB appointment yesterday.  I had been two times prior for blood tests to ensure that this was a healthy pregnancy.  And yesterday's appointment we had a dating ultrasound.  I am excited to be seeing the midwife that I saw for the majority of Kaitlyn's pregnancy and am I am looking forward to the labor and delivery for the first time in any of my pregnancies.  In addition to my obsessive planning and such I have already started in with the name game! :)  We have a handful of names picked out but not THE one.  We have decided to have three of each and when the baby makes their presence we will decide what name suits he/she the best.  We are always up to suggestions so if anyone has any names that they want to throw our way, please do!

That's all for now! Keep an eye out for more ramblings!