D-Day! D-Day! D-Day!

First I want to say that I had another appointment yesterday.  It was a mixture of good news, not so good news and sort of bad news.  First things first.  We were told that it was twins, that at my last appointment she saw two sacs but waited to say anything until the following appointment in case an embryo didn't form.   We ended up losing the twin.  So there is the bad news.  But the good news, we saw one really nice little baby in there, a nice sac, the placenta and a heartbeat.  Such good news after hearing about the twin.  I feel like I can't be sad about because there is a healthy bean in there but at the same time I can't help but feel like we lost our baby and feel sad by it.  I am sure in a few days I will feel less emotional about it.  Then in addition to that it's been decided we have to see a Perintologist due to Kaitlyn's heart defect when she was born.  I was sort of on the fence about not wanting to have the appointments and just let things be but my husband decided that it was for the best so we will see the Peri after all. Such is life.

Anyway, the reason for my blog today!

So I know I still have some time before I have this baby.  But I have spent a lot of time thinking about what exactly I want for a labor and delivery.  I had 3 labors and deliveries that I didn't like the way they went.  With my 1st one, I didn't know what to expect.  I was young age wise and maturity level and just was overwhelmed by it all.  With my 2nd one, I was confident in my ability to handle the delivery with the epidural but was sort of pushed into by my nurse who was determined that my labor would be extremely long.  So I got my epidural, 6 short hours later my son was born.  And I had pain for days after that from the epidural.  With my 3rd one, I went into labor on my own but continued to stall out for hours.  After stalling out, several increases in pitocin I was told to get the epidural because it would be awhile before I would have any progress.  So I caved, got the epidural.  It ended up wearing off a few hours after getting it.  I still had the side effects I always get- the really low blood pressure, several rounds of epinephrine and overall a terrible feeling.  When I finally got the nurses to realize my epidural wore off it was time to push and no doctor in sight, so I had to wait to push until she arrived.  With no pain relief from the epidural I had to wait 20 minutes to push, in addition to that she was sunny side up and when the doctor finally arrived she had to manually turn her.  Afterwards I almost decided to never have any more kids.  But after some time I decided that I wasn't done and well here we are.  But things will be different!  I am set on having a completely natural labor and delivery with minimal interventions. I don't want to have to be induced, I really don't want an epidural ever again, and over all I just want to have a labor that I completely rely on my own body and ability.  So I am I thrilled at the idea of this labor.  I am under the care of the midwife (aside from the peri visits) and will labor in various positions, places, etc.  I am really looking forward to the tub.

I am going to spend the next 30+ weeks to research about natural labor and make my plans for what my ideal labor will be like.  All in all, I just really want to have an entirely different pregnancy, labor and delivery.  We aren't finding out the gender.  And I am really trying my hardest to have the healthiest pregnancy possible.  With my other 3, I sort of used pregnancy as an excuse to eat what I wanted and not really care but this time I am determined to only gain weight needed for the baby and not an additional layer of weight!

That's all for the ramblings!